


crush and collapse

by dynasty_decapitated



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Eating Disorder, Probably platonic, Recovery, Relapse, dan has an eating disorder, extreme tw ok pls b safe angels, he's in denial a bit (a lot), this is really personal lol, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 23:05:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6061494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dynasty_decapitated/pseuds/dynasty_decapitated
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks fr reading</p>
<p>my tumblr is http://genderqueerurie.tumblr.com if u wanna hmu</p></blockquote>





	crush and collapse

dan doesn't have a problem anymore. and he wishes everyone would just leave him a-fucking-lone. 

he doesn't have a problem anymore.

just because he's been watching what he eats lately, it doesn't mean he's sick again. he was never really convinced that he was sick in the first place. but they told him that he was. and that he had to stop. so he did. he didn't have a choice.

he stopped purging. ate more than 500 calories a day, on his good days. he got himself out of it. and he doesn't have a fucking problem anymore, okay?

except phil seems to think that he does. "dan, are you getting sick again."  
"dan, how much have you eaten today."  
"dan, if i tell your parents will you hate me."  
"will you hate them."   
"will you let the doctors help you."  
"dan, you have a fucking problem."

he chugs diet pills down with luke warm, day old water from his bed side table before breakfast (that he doesn't eat), and before lunch (which he substitutes for a coffee) and before dinner (a low cal soup or dry toast). he sticks his fingers down his throat when phil's not home. bleaches the entire bathroom afterwards. bleaches his skin. he's gotta get rid of all the evidence. there's nothing wrong with him. gotta get rid of the evidence.

phil catches on when dan sways slightly in the kitchen, downing glasses of water like it was his life line. it probably was. when dan starts spending hours in his bedroom, in their bathroom, instead of with him. he catches on when he finds dan's cereal box untouched for weeks on end. dan's knuckles have teeth imprints and his eyes look dead. 

phil intervenes. he's making him eat breakfast now, every morning. every fucking morning. dan can feel the food moving in his stomach and there's nothing wrong with him and he kind of hates phil now. there's nothing wrong with him.

except maybe there is.

he realises it's probably a bit too fucked up to think about food this much, to love the crush and collapse of his empty stomach when he's trying to sleep. his legs burn. all the time. his chest hurts. his throat is sore. all the time. he hurts. everything hurts.

he lets phil help him, decides that he isn't sick enough to see a professional. "that's not how it works, dan". he doesn't care. 

he eats 3 meals a day now. "no more coffee", phil had told him. he doesn't sleep, can't sleep. can't think. he's suffocating. he's not empty. he misses the static in his head. misses the hollowness of his stomach, of his chest. he misses the beauty he feels when he hasn't eaten in three days. but he's fine. he doesn't have a fucking problem, okay?

**Author's Note:**

> thanks fr reading
> 
> my tumblr is http://genderqueerurie.tumblr.com if u wanna hmu


End file.
